September 24, 2002
not quite
Everything seems so surreal.. and the dreams I dream at night almost feel more tangible than my reality.
I go back and forth between really wanting to leave.. leave now and wanting to call it all off and stay here.
Everyday I consider calling in sick because I know that it won�t matter if they fire me, I�m leaving soon anyway. In fact, I should have given my two weeks notice yesterday.. but I decided to put it of until next Monday. I like it here. Most of my co-workers might be conservative republicans who believe in hunting and fishing and that a woman�s place is in the home.. but they�ve grown on me.. and I�ll miss them though I hate some of their beliefs.
I�ve been cataloging my friends here. Deciding who I want to tell and keep in touch with and who I want to leave behind.. a detail of the past. If I hadn�t made a promise to myself that I wouldn�t, I�d leave without telling anyone. It just seems like so much trouble. Heh. can you imagine that conversation?
"Hey sweetie, wanna hang out tonight?"
"Oh, um yeah, I�d love to except that I don�t live in Phoenix anymore.."
"What?!?"
"Yeah, but I should be up there this weekend if you want to do something then. I should also have this cell phone number for a while."
"What?!?"
10:48 a.m.