August 13, 2002
olive branch
I went home from work sick yesterday and since I wasn�t feeling much better this morning I stayed home again. I spent most of my day reading, recuperating, thinking about the stagnant pond my life has become. I sat and thought about everything and felt so discouraged, so overwhelmed, so hopeless. It was almost like giving up on the chance of ever finding an sort of happiness.. come to terms with a meaningless existence. Day in day out. Going through the motions, searching for a spark of.. something.. meaning..
And then he called. He called as if by some cosmic coincidence and we talked for what must have been hours. I told him about the dream I had about him the night before. I told him how clear and precise every detail was although we haven�t seen eachother face to face in over a year. I told him many things. He told me many things. It was like taking a step into the past. Our past together.
And he all but handed me the fictitious olive branch..
..And I all but reached out for it eagerly.
Called like a moth to a flame. Knowing I should fear the burning fire, but flying towards it eagerly without a thought to the impending doom (and no honey, I�m not saying it won�t work out).
What is it about making a rash, impulsive decision that is so very attractive? Why does getting carried away in a moment hold such great appeal?
10:28 p.m.