December 04, 2002
this beautiful landscape is tainted
My kitten�s gone. I let her outside yesterday afternoon and she didn�t return all night. I must have gone looking for her at least ten different times. I�m so incredibly worried. She�s never been out for more than a few hours. What if one of the big mean tom cats out there killed her or scared her off and she couldn�t find her way home? What if she was eaten by a coyote or one of the neighbor�s dogs?
It rained last night. She must have been so cold and miserable.
And I kept having all sorts of dreams about finding her. And every time I woke up only to realize that they weren�t true and that she wasn�t cuddled up next to me. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry.
I bet you think I�m overreacting. That I�m just some silly overemotional girl. I�m not, you know. Normally I have the stoic resolve of a soldier.. It�s just that while I can be cold and unfeeling about people at times, animals are my Achilles heel.
Because people can generally take care of themselves. People do horrible things and often deserve every horrible thing they get in return. Animals don�t.
Addition 5:54 p.m.
So it�s cold and dark outside..
and Kestral�s still missing..
and I didn�t go to my job interview today.
That calls for alcohol.
8:36 a.m.