February 26, 2003
open your wings and enfold me / I need your warmth right now
I�m trying to read between the lines..
To see the meaning hidden within the cracking tiles..
But words don�t suffice and I�m left clinging to shreds, fleeting images.
I have a problem with seeing what�s in front of me - when my feelings are on the line.
I tell myself that it�s impossible. Never going to happen. Not this time. Not to me.
You�d think I�d be more confident. The girl who always gets what she wants. The girl who has never been attracted to anyone who didn�t want her back. The girl who always has at least three or four boys who want to date her.
I�ll tell you a secret though, I�m more insecure than most.
Especially when I care.
Especially when real emotions are on the line.
I feel much safer thinking back fondly on the past. Lost in a world of heavenly nostalgia. Safe. Confident. Secure.
It�s so much better than..
Pressing your frozen face against the cool glass of a person�s window. Frozen tears crystallizing on your burning cheeks. Hugging yourself pathetically while you watch the warm within. Aching to build up the courage to knock. To watch that person look up.. but knowing you don�t have it.
I feel vulnerable.
I don�t like it much.
4:44 p.m.