October 01, 2002
watch you choke
Sometimes, when I�m feeling particularly apathetic and stoic and untouchable I read over old diary entries..
I look back at all the lost time, wasted emotions, pointless scars and I begin to feel sick.. Not with nostalgia or regret but with a sense of distaste..
And at those times I think that not letting anyone in really is the best road to travel and that anything else is just an empty attempt. Stretching and jumping and grasping for cloud and rainbows you�ll never quite reach.
Then there are other times..
Times like today when I�m encompassed in a waking nightmare. When I�m flooded with images I can�t seem to expel and the pain you (who I wrote about here and here and here) caused me is revisited.. Like ripping the bandage of a fresh wound and watching the blood bubble up..
You�re the anti-coagulant that�s preventing me from healing.. I hope you can sleep well at night with that knowledge as your bed mate. I hope you feel comfortable wrapping it around you on cold winter nights.. I hope you choke on the bitter taste..
4:05 p.m.