November 28, 2002
Happy Turkey Slaughtering Day
I sat down in front of this computer and typed out long diary entries several times this week. Each time I read it over and decided it was too personal, too close to my heart to release into the world. But only because people I know read these pages. Otherwise I would have no problem sharing too much. There�s something to be said for the comfortable arms of anonymity.
These last few days have been bittersweet. Winter is finally gracing us with her presence and it�s cold and windy outside. The sweaters have been pulled out from their hiding places and the pilot light in the heater has been lit. Silk pajamas replaced black slips and for a few days at least I have some to cuddle up to at night.
Ian is an angel in rivethead clothing. I didn�t realize how much I missed him until I saw a boy in the distance sporting spiky bleach blond hair with blue tips. I just stood there, biting down on my bottom lip with a glowing smile in my eyes. I felt nervous and completely self aware as he stopped in front of me and said, �Hi.� I smiled and said it back refusing to meet his eyes. Then he said, �God, I�ve missed you so fucking much.� and I threw myself into his arms and everything was okay.
And it�s been perfect and lovely these last two days. Except for the fact that he�s leaving on Sunday. That I�m going to miss him like crazy.
I�m making a promise right now that I will go out and find a job rather than wasting time like I have been. I�m going to pay off my bills and then start putting every dime I can into a moving fund. Not because of Ian, but because I need out. Seeing him, knowing he�s doing so much better away from here, that�s given me incentive.
9:57 a.m.