September 01, 2002
thunder on the horizon
I feel heavy. The sort of heaviness you get when someone close to you dies or is forever lost to you. It comes after the first times you�ve cried. When your head hurts and your heart is heavy and your mind and body are numb. Before reality sets in. Before you come to terms with what has happened. Before you know what to make of it all.
I�ve only felt this way three times in my life. The first was when my father died. The second was when my grandfather (who became like a father to me) died. The third was when Misha died.
So I guess I have one more event to add to this list.
You know things are bad when you don�t even feel like going out and drowning your sorrow with too much alcohol, too many cloves and a few good friends. You know things are bad when all you want to do is crawl under the covers and cry and cry and cry which is what I�m starting to do all over again..
7:18 p.m.