January 05, 2003
I should have remembered this part
I have the most horrible desire to sleep. To slip in-between warm blankets, lay my head on a soft pillow and get carried away. Into the past and/or future. Into castles, underwater kingdoms and forest glades with sweet smelling grass and icy cold streams.
I want to draw the blankets close and soak up every ounce of warmth within them. To fall asleep with a smile on my face that won�t ever fade away. Because how could it if the world somehow failed to call me back? If I remained in wonderful locations filled with mystical creatures for so long that my dreams became more and more vivid while the memory of reality got farther and farther away. Until the day when I couldn't tell them apart anymore.. and simply waking up to normal life would seem strange, exotic and nice.
But really, I would be satisfied with so much less.
Because all I really want right now is to feel something other than this. Something other than the beginning of a crash landing. Something other than going on thirty-one hours without sleep. Something other than hunger pains which I�d really love to satisfy if it weren�t for the fact that the very thought of ingesting food makes me ill. Something other than the one question I was asked about myself last night that I honestly couldn�t answer [and have been obsessing over ever since].
11:07 a.m.