June 06, 2002
my book of revelations
Well, I�ve been at work for a little over three hours now and I think I�m functioning amazingly well considering I got an hour and a half of sleep last night and woke up with a killer headache. I should also note that I have four guys gathered around my desk talking about hunting rather loudly and I�ve been literally digging my nails into my arm in order to release some of the exasperation I am feeling. I�m torn between wanting to punch one of them, and wanting to yell at them... I�m leaning heavily towards punching though. Grrrrrrr!! Okay, time to switch topics, writing about this is only adding fuel to the fire...
Last night.
I haven�t decided whether or not going out last night was a good idea. I went to a caf�, an emo bar, a rockabilly bar and a night club... and they were all practically empty. I did, however, get totally smashed which of course means I had a wonderful time.
I also ran into Thor , which, believe it or not, turned out to be a wonderful thing for me. Why you ask? Because I had no emotional reaction whatsoever to seeing him. In fact, when I walked in and saw him sitting across from the door one of my first thoughts was, "What did I ever see in that guy?" I didn�t even feel any physical attraction, it was just...nothing, void. I can�t understand why I put up with him, stayed in a relationship that made me miserable more than content, professed to love him. I can�t count how many times he reduced me to tears, made me feel worthless...
Because our relationship wasn�t the best, I always though running into him after our break-up would be rather awkward, but it wasn�t. Although we did treat eachother more like acquaintances than exs. Usually running into an ex is like running into a close friend I haven�t seen in a while. We hug and play catch up, check phone numbers and make plans to get together for coffee...But with Thor it wasn�t like that. We talked for a few minutes, I introduced him to the guy I was with and that was it.
He didn�t seem happy during the conversation and his questions about my life sounded more accusatory than friendly. Perhaps he thought Chris and I were on a date and it was weird for him to see me with someone else. He was giving Chris the cold shoulder... perhaps he just didn�t want to see me. But if that was the case he wouldn�t have called a week or so ago to tell me about the Hudson Falcon�s show... I don�t know, and it�s really not important so I�ll leave off here.
11:17 a.m.