September 14, 2002
eyes in the window
There�s nothing quite like the feeling of waking up to the realization that someone�s outside your window trying to look in through the slits in your blinds..
That was the happy sight I woke up to this morning. Of course, it wasn�t a total surprise since he�s been doing it for about a year and a half now. Perhaps I should be flattered. I mean, boys are said to lose interest rather quickly and it does show great dedication on his part..
I think I�ll leave him a note when I move out. I�ll tape it to my bedroom window. How does this sound?
Dear Pervert,
I am writing to inform you that our time together has come to an end. I wish I could say that I will miss you, but that would be a lie. Please don�t be sad; I�m sure you will have no problem finding some other girl to spy on. Remember that this is a college town, with an ever changing stream of potential victims. However, on the off chance that you do have difficulties finding a replacement, I would like to offer up a few suggestions:
(1) Pornography. I hear you can find it quite cheap now days.
(2) Prostitutes. Apache Blvd is but a short walk away and if those ladies are not to your liking, I�m sure you�d have no problem finding a bus that goes to Van Buren.
(3) A girlfriend. Maybe it sounds like a lot of trouble, but just think about the benefits, I mean, you wouldn�t have to stand outside in the cold and squint whilst trying to look through tiny holes in order to watch her sleep.
(4) God. I personally don�t believe in him, but I hear being �saved� can do wonders for you. Plus, just think of all those virginal girls. I bet you could get at least half of their addresses if you go to their church..
Anyway, I hope these ideas are at least somewhat helpful.
Sincerely,
The girl you�ve been bothering for over a year now.
8:25 p.m.