February 04, 2003
I�m drowning in memories..
Last night, Flick drove down to see me. We met the poster boy at a bar and drank and talked for a few hours. And even though I was in a pretty horrid mood that day, and even though I had some pretty thorny things on my mind, I actually had a pretty decent time.
And I ran into a boy I used to know. A boy who used to date my best friend [or at least, the girl who was my best friend until we both moved away and lost touch]. A boy she used to be in love with. A boy she gave her virginity to. And I got all these memories of late night excursions to trendy subculture diners with her in the middle holding his hand on one side and mine on the other. Memories of how his brother and best friend both used to like me.. And of how full of ourselves we all used to be. How beautiful and wonderful and godlike we all thought we were.. Of a friend who almost beat up another girl because she though she was trying to mimic her dress style. However twisted it may be, I kinda miss those days.
But I gave the boy my phone number. And he still hangs out with a few people from the old group and his brother is still into clubbing so we might all go out sometime soon.. And I�d be lying if I said I thought this was anything but a mixed blessing. I want to see them all again. To hang out and catch up and get close all over again.. but then part of me wants to run far, far away.
I�m such a horrible jumble of emotions tonight. I really have no idea what�s gotten into me. Maybe I just need a peaceful night at home. A warm bed with silky covers and someone to cuddle up too.. and since Aspen is on his way over right now, maybe that�s just what I�ll get.
[And I�ll never regret a thing..]
6:44 p.m.