July 05, 2002
hollow songs
I should have called in sick today. Stayed in bed until noon, cleaned my car, straightened up the apartment, worked on my portfolio.. Instead I�m sitting at work on what must be the slowest day of the year. No customers walking in, no phone calls, even half of the employees are gone.. And I have nothing to do but sit here in trepidation. Worrying about my upcoming exit interview and the insane amount of work I need to accomplish in the next five or six days. Listen to the Vice President of the company yell at me about the work tickets on some sales orders I typed up. He seems to have conveniently forgotten that it�s not my job to write up work ticket. But enough emoesque (yes I realize that�s not a real word, but it should be) whining.
I just spent almost four hours looking at SI sites online. So much of the information I found struck a cord, and although it�s nice to know about other people out there I think perhaps it did more harm than good because now I know and you see, I never made the connection before. I knew about it, even had friends/boyfriends who did it.. but it never clicked. To close to the forest to see the trees I suppose.
And now I feel so empty and despondent. I know I use that word too much. Feel this way to often. I�m just going to shut up now.
2:50 p.m.