July 31, 2002

here we go again

I�m going back to school tonight.

Back to a humorless teacher who lectures for hours on end..

Back to meaningless dribble that leaves you feeling worthless and worried about your future..

Back to constant criticism and disapproval..

Back to a frowning face and a voice full of distaste..

Back to the man with the mullet..

Back to sitting in a classroom full of people I don�t know..

Back to hoping they�ll all leave me alone instead of trying to befriend me..

Back to headphone and loud music..

Back to working on artwork I love, but the teacher despises..

Back to wondering whether I�ll fail the exit interview because the teacher hates everything I have in my portfolio.. too morbid, too depressing, too this, too that.. add more colour.. add more gradients..

But this time will be different. This time I won�t let him intimidate me. This time when he says that my artwork is too depressing, I�ll tell him that it�s supposed to be. I won�t turn into butterflies and flowers to please him. This time when he gives me shit for not coming to class last session, I�ll explain why I didn�t come to class.. that ought to get a reaction.. I don�t want him to pity me, I just want him to leave me alone and give me a passing grade, but even if he doesn�t I�ll be okay. I�ll be okay because I just don�t care anymore. Indifference has set in and hopefully it will last.

Here�s to razor blade smiles and blood covered canvas. Here�s to artwork he hates that I�ll turn in regardless. Here�s to me.

5:04 p.m.

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