August 20, 2002
full circle
On June 28th I wrote:
I hate feeling helpless, but that�s how I feel right now.
I hate standing by and watching something happen without doing anything to stop it, but I am.
I hate knowing that I�m going to lose someone, probably very soon, and not being able to do anything about it.
I hate knowing that if I did try to do something about it, and succeeded, it would mean him compromising his morals, which I refuse to let him do. Not on account of me. Not even if I think he might want to.
But most of all I hate the fact that I want to do something about it. Oh, goddess do I ever want to!
One little internet conversation full of revelations. Just a series of words flowing across my computer screen. How could it change so much?
I�d almost forgotten about that entry. I�d almost gotten over the occasional thoughts and speculations regarding the boy I wrote it about. That is, until a few seconds ago.. because I just checked my email and found a message from him. He tracked down my new address somehow. He wants to get reacquainted. It funny how everything has finally come full circle.
And yet although I want to talk to him rather desperately, I just keep thinking..
I don�t need this. I can�t handle this. I�ve been so strong lately. I�ve stuck to my resolution to stay away from those boys, that group. No good can come of this..
{Second entry in a little over an hour.. it�s shaping up to be an interesting day.}
10:15 a.m.