July 11, 2002
flashes
I was in love once. Only once.
He was a beautiful boy with a sensitive soul and a romantic streak that most people never saw. He would plan outings to the forest and night trips to feed the ducks at local parks. He loved to lay with me in a hammock strung between two trees and stare at the stars with our bodies entangled. In the summer he watched a neighbor�s house and we would spend weekends there pretending we were an old married couple.. cuddling on the couch, eating dinner on the back porch while watching the sunset. We ate strawberries and drank wine. We drove out to the middle of no where to take walks. We found quaint little country dinners and sat talking over coffee until we got kicked out. We acted out scenes in grocery stores at 3 a.m. When one of us went on vacation we bought the other one at least five presents and wrote two to three pages to eachother a day. We played in playgrounds and made-out in parks. We went on roadtrips, driving much to fast in a bright red sports cars with music blaring through the speakers. We smoked cigarettes and hung out at trendy little cafes.. It seems like we were always together..
I loved him with all my heart and soul. He loved me with every ounce of his being. We cared about eachother so much it made me tremble with fear because I was afraid of how close we were. But then he was afraid too. We both had so many problems, so many issues.. and yet we were happy together. Everything was always okay when the other one was around.
And then we broke up.. There were so many reasons.. personal reason that I couldn�t repeat here.. haven�t ever repeated in their totality..
I cried for a week straight when we ended things. We hardly ever saw eachother after that but when we did cross paths we always looked at eachother with pain and longing in our eyes. It was almost a year before either of us dated anyone else. After a year and two months had passed we decided to go out for coffee together. We sat in a trendy caf� talking. He had so much emotion behind his eyes it made me want to cry. He tried touching me and I jerked away. We decided hanging out was a bad idea.
I�ve seen him once since then even though we both ended up in the same city. It was sad and awkward and I was literary shaking for half an hour after I saw him..
And even though I don�t love him anymore and I doubt that he loves me..it still hurt when I saw him.
I haven�t thought about any of this for so long.. but now, just now I came across something that brought all those memories flooding back to me in painful flashes. Because today I came across something that reminded me of our break-up.
2:47 p.m.