March 03, 2003
Why isn�t there an elixir for that?
I�m drowning all over again.
Filling page after page in my paper journal in some misguided attempt at understanding.
Reading over and over the words and feeling more lost than before.
Black and white in all it�s brutal honesty.
And right now, I wish I could see myself through your eyes.
I wish I knew what you seem to find so sacred.
Because all I see is a confused little girl who has to resist the urge to seek out familiar arms in search of solace.
And I know it�s idiotic.
I know that the last place I�ll find peace is in the arms of my past.
But oh Goddess is it tempting.
Especially when I seek to forget. Especially when I feel at odds with myself. Especially when I don�t know whether I should open up or collapse into myself entirely. Forget. Forget. Forget.
4:53 p.m.