August 03, 2002
things don�t last here
I wish I had something to say.. something that would make everything sunshine and roses, but I don�t.
I wish I could be happy so that you wouldn�t worry about me so much, but I can�t.
I wish that things were different.. that I wasn�t so closed off and hard to reach, but I am, and I will be.
I wish you didn�t live far away.. that I could just drop by and hug you and make you smile, but that�s not possible.
I wish I had money (or you did) enough for us to take a trip.. a trip away from everyone and everything to mystical places we�ve only seen in books, but I don�t see that happening anytime soon.
I wish we could hide.. hide far away from all the cruelty in the world.. from all the things that we hear.. all the things that make you hate our fellow man and make me want to cry tears of hopelessness and despair, but where would we (could we) go?
I wish life had a purpose.. or at least that I knew what that purpose is if indeed there is one, but even if that were possible, would it help or only make things seem more terrible?
I wish.
I wish so many things.. things I could write about for hours and hours without even denting the list, but then it stops. It stops because apathy always sets in and I stop wishing for them.. because I just stop caring.
{I wish I hadn't told Dash that I'd go out with him tonight. I wish I didn't care about his insecurity. I wish I hadn�t answered the phone and told him he could come over. I guess I have to go take a shower and get dressed now..}
5:24 p.m.