June 02, 2002
endless dial tones
I went to visit my mom this weekend, and as I was driving back to Tempe my mind began to wander as it often does on long (okay, it was only two and a half hours) road trips... I began reminiscing about my years in Tucson, the good times, and the bad times. Eventually my thoughts turned to Lost and I got swept away in a wave of speculation coupled with nostalgic regret.
I wonder how he�s doing, and if he�s happy.
For the first two years after our break-up, every time I saw his best friend, I was told that although he asked about me, and wanted to talk to me it was still too painful. And I stayed away in order to let him heal. I wrote him letters and emails, but I never sent them. It sounds strange when you think about it.. two painful two years later? But for him it was, he didn�t even date anyone else...except for one girl that supposedly looked like me that he got rid of really fast.
Then one day he emailed me... and I went to visit him. It was like no time had passed. There wasn�t even any awkwardness between us. That started a strange pseudo-relationship. But I got scared and he stopped talking to me. Because it had to be a relationship or nothing. He said there could be no in between with us, and at the time I agreed...
Except now I don�t. Now I want him in my life... and I honestly think we could be (should be) just friends... too bad it won�t happen. Anytime soon, anyway.
9:49 p.m.