December 01, 2002
December If Project
This is a hard question because I never dreamed of being anything normal when I was a child..
I wanted to be a mermaid and swim through lost cities like Atlantis. Meet creatures no one knows about and live in a palace that was crumbling and covered with plant life.
I wanted to be a witch [although the only witches I�d heard of were in fairytales, I had my own ideas of what witchcraft was and they had nothing to do with books]. I desperately wanted to find someone who was willing to train me when I got old enough and I wanted to spend my life living in a cottage somewhere. Studying plants, spells, the stars.. Talking to animals and participating in rituals.
I came across books like Carmilla and Dracula and decided I wanted to be turned into a vampire at the age of eighteen. Spend my life traveling the world, studying ancient grimoire and communing with others of my kind. Drinking blood and living a life of carefree splendor. Much like a scholarly version of an Anne Rice vampire.. though I hadn�t heard of her at the time.
I wanted to go back in time and spend my life as a virgin priestess in some goddess�s temple. Worship there until my untimely death at the hands of evil, hateful Christians.
But most of all, I wanted to meet a faery. I wanted to be invited into their Faerie Kingdom and live with them forever. Eventually I learned of the Tuatha De Danann and changed my dream to getting to meet then.. if only for an hour.
And in all that time, I never once wanted to be an astronaut, doctor, lawyer or famous scientist. I never wanted to get married, have 2.5 kids, a white picket fence and a dog. When I thought of marriage, it always entailed marrying into the Addams Family, or something of that nature.
And if you asked me today what I�d like to be, I still couldn�t give you an answer. But I know I don�t want to be an astronaut, doctor, lawyer or famous scientist. Owning an occult shop, teaching parapsychology or paganism at a community college, writing books on druidism and dragon lore.. those are the types of things which appeal to me..
I haven�t changed much, you see. And although I'm sure that someday soon I�ll find a career, I know it won�t be what I long for; because everything I long for isn�t really possible.
11:58 p.m.