July 23, 2002
these tears were caused by you
Jury duty was actually somewhat interesting. It seems that Arizona has made a few changes to it�s legal system and now the jurors can now write down questions for the defendant to answer, take notes, and talk amongst themselves during the trial. This made me almost want to be picked to sit on a jury, which of course I wasn�t. Seeing as the case I would have gotten was a DUI (driving under the influence) I�m not exactly torn up about it.. though I would have been if it had been a murder trial.. I�d be willing to wear jeans and try to look semi-normal in order to get on the jury of a murder trial. It must be terribly fascinating.. now you all have to keep in mind that I was in mock trial in high school so I�m one of those weird people interested in the legal system.
After I left the courthouse my mood began to go downhill and kept continually dropping for the rest of the day/night. Even coffee/drinks at a bar with Dash, and Flick didn�t seem to help. I owe both boys a big apology. I don�t like to inflict my presence upon others when I�m in those moods.
Around midnight I got a call from Anime. I haven�t talked to him in almost two weeks and the phone call really upset me. Upset me to the point that I almost started crying in the middle of the bar.. He told me that he got in a fight with some guy on his way home from work, left him bleeding on the sidewalk with a knife wound. He wasn�t sure how the guy was.. He spent the next few minutes swearing, using racial slurs and talking about how meaningless everything is and how he hates everyone. He said no one would care if he died.. he wished he had a gun.. offered to drive up to Las Vegas this weekend to see him, to show him that someone does care about him.. he hung up on me.
He hung up on me and didn�t answer the phone any of the ten or so times I called him back. I don�t know whether I�m more pissed off or worried. I�m worried because I think he is capable of suicide.. and he lives five hours away and I don�t know how to get ahold of any of his friends up there. I�m pissed off because I went home and cried and worried about him. I called over and over and left messages that I know he heard. I ruined Dash�s night. Flick�s night.. and I still have no idea how he is.
I�m sorry. I don�t think I�m making much sense right now.. I didn�t sleep well and I�m still upset.. I�ll leave it at that.
9:02 a.m.